All invited! From Hiram to Mantua Corners, the most exciting four-mile trip you’ll ever make!
We’ll leave around two or so. You’ll pile in the back of the truck for a group photo, which you will receive free, plus shipping and handling, as part of the $400 luxury package put together with you in mind.
After the photo festivities, with a beverage of your choice from our select menu, you’ll actively guide the truck in small groups up the incline leading out of Hiram. Being a skilled professional, I’ll expertly guide the first mile of this exciting adventure.
Once we get to the crest and the stragglers catch up and hop in, we’ll descend to the bottom of Derthick’s Hill. Hold on tight! We may reach speeds of almost 20 miles per hour!
Derthick’s Hill is the longest, steepest hill in northeast Ohio. When our vintage truck starts heading up, all out to participate in a game we call PUSH. And don’t worry, I’ll be gripping the steering wheel expertly until we get safely to the top. On the way, we’ll pass such sites as the corn maze, but keep your focus on the task at hand. Don’t worry; your package includes a photo of the side of the cornfield with the maze expertly hidden from view, plus shipping and handling.
Now for the first reward. When we reach the top, we’ll have a picnic, so please bring a covered dish. From here, in the spirit of democracy, we’ll vote on continuing or returning.
If we return, the real fun begins. You’ll lift the truck, turn it around, and pile in. We’ll race back down Derthick’s Hill at speeds so fast that if the wind picks up, you may have to keep your hat from blowing off your head. When it starts to level out, everyone jumps out and grabs the truck to stop it before it swerves off the road.
Just kidding, there’s no voting on this trip. We’ll proceed on the slight decline to Mantua Corners at the leisurely speed of almost three miles per hour. Some of you may desire to walk the rest of the way, but you are encouraged to stay with the truck to comfort the more physically challenged among us. Remember, the more in the back of the epic pickup, the faster we reach the journey’s end, where scouts with merit badges can assist the helpless.
Do you think the fun’s over? It is unless you paid the extra $299 for the deluxe package. If you did, it’s time to PARTEE!!! We’ll have drinks. BYOB. There will be games and dancing as we ceremoniously start the truck for the first and crank up the radio, searching for the first AM station that plays music. Door prizes will be given for the best Labor Day costume, so make sure to bring those prizes so everyone can win!