It’s unfortunate to write something like this every year, but it was a busy time on the phone with parents. My feeling today is that if an attorney needs to be called, there’s some bad parenting going on.
Celebrating Mother’s Day After Divorce
What I write here also applies when Father’s Day rolls around. Both days are a special time for each parent and their children. On Mother’s Day, children express love and appreciation for their mothers. The way it was once celebrated changes after divorce, but the kids’ feelings don’t, aside from the fact that most kids would like to see their parents still together. I learned this as Guardian ad Litem.
Mother’s Day after divorce can cause stress or tension between parents and sometimes other family members. It shouldn’t. It should be a day to show your kids that even though Mom and Dad aren’t together, everyone respects Mom’s role in the family (and Dad’s on Father’s Day).
If divorced, treat Mother’s and Father’s Day as parent-specific holidays. Regardless of the visitation schedule, kids should be able to spend each occasion with the celebrated parent. Likewise, a mom should be able to enjoy a fun, stress-free day spent with her kids. However, come June and Father’s Day, the roles are reversed again.
Suppose, though, the parents do not live close to each other. The drive may not be convenient, but it is a weekend, and something can be arranged. If not, children should be encouraged to call or have a little video chat with their mom. The other parent should work with the kids to come up with gift ideas for Mom, just as Mom should do the same for Dad on Father’s Day if the situation is reversed. I believe an essential key is to keep the kids as actively involved as much as possible.
You may have divorced your spouse, but you didn’t divorce your kids. You may have custody, but this doesn’t mean the other parent is no longer a parent. It’s about working together as parents for the kids’ best interests.
In the past, you had a way of celebrating holidays. Those days are over, so it’s time to develop new ideas and new traditions. And hey, maybe mom and dad can suck it up for a couple of hours and get together with the kids for brunch or dinner. Consider the children’s ages and what message it may send them.
Happy Mother’s Day, and next month, Happy Father’s Day!